All the red sparrow has to do to attract a mate is fluff up his feathers. Meanwhile, I have to go to college, get a job, make money, work endlessly, buy a car, rent an apartment, try not to get too fat, shave every day, drive over to pick her up, buy her dinner, make small talk, hide my insane thoughts and maniacal opinions, drive her back, respect her moral integrity, text/call enough to show I’m interested but not too much that I come across as desperate, take her to several more dinners and possibly frozen yogurt, find a parking spot, walk upstairs, make sure I have some little plastic penis sleeves, and then, FINALLY, my feathers are fluffed. Fuck red sparrows.