My grandparents are just now really getting into the “old as fuck” stage, and let me tell you, old age is fucking depressing as shit. I mean, it’s really fucking depressing. You get dementia and your prostate fucks up and you can’t get a boner and your skin is falling off your bones and everything hurts and you spend all your time going to and from doctor’s offices, you forget everything, but then bring up stuff from like 50 years ago, and in general you just start fucking everything up, it sounds like a goddamn nightmare. Therefore, I have decided to start abusing alcohol even more, smoking cigarettes, I’m gonna buy a motorcycle, and I’m gonna take up hang gliding and big wave surfing. I’m also gonna do the responsible thing and get a vasectomy. I owe it to my future children to make sure they never exist. Don’t say I never did anything selfless