Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’ve been going about this marriage thing all wrong. Instead of thinking about it as, she gets half my shit, I need to start thinking about it as, I get half HER shit! Who wants to marry me? And has money. And is ok with me neglecting you and mistreating you and making you feel insecure in an effort to drive you to cheat on me so I can file for divorce? Come on, ladies, get it while it’s hot.

I think I’m getting emotionally attached to a cartoon character. There’s no way this can end well

One thing’s for sure. There’s no way in hell I’m getting scurvy on this trip because I’ve been eating a shit ton of paprika chips. I might get a clogged artery, but noooo scurvy, no sireebob

Why is it so easy for chemical engineers to study soap? Because it’s basic!!!!! You get it, guys, right? Guys. Come on. I need you to keep up with the reading or the lectures aren’t going to do you any good. Help me help you. Now pass in your homework, and I’ll see you after lunch.

My 10 year high school reunion is going to be such a joke. I’m just hoping I won’t be a morbidly obese sack of fat. Other than that I think I’m fucked.

WiFi + Netflix + VPN = a traveler’s best friend

I did not know that men used hair dryers until today.

I was talking to my buddy who’s a paramedic and he was telling me about this procedure called “intubation” that he did in the field for the first time yesterday and how it was a real accomplishment for him because it was “time sensitive.” As in, that person would have died. And I thought, wow, that was ACTUALLY time sensitive. In all my past lines of work when something was “time sensitive” it meant, get it done or someone’s gonna throw a giant hissy fit.

Difficultly level: medium