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Call me old-fashioned, but if we get married, BITCH YOU WILL FUCKING TAKE MY LAST NAME.

If you ever use the word “irregardless” in my presence, I will shove a sharpened pencil through your temporal lobe.

If you don’t like Elvis, I can’t be friends with you.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t fucking say anything at all 😉

Gwen Stefani’s getting a divorce? This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Dude, I can’t write as fast as you can consume media. Just like a chef can’t cook as fast as you can eat. You need to chill.

Just keep watching 🙂

Ergo, he is not actually an addition to the cast of the Netflix prequel series.

I want you to know that H. Jon Benjamin, the voice of Archer, also was the voice of the talking can of vegetables in the 2001 cult classic Wet Hot American Summer.

There are only three women I listen to. My mother, my sister, and Siri. So if you’re not one of those three, shut the fuck up.