The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Guys, I’ve got so much material for my next book. It’s all very disorganized right now and not all written down, but there is so much stuff. Hopefully I can get it all together soon so my 35 readers can get the next installment. They’re chomping at the bit.

I’m gonna get married and have a couple of rugrats and get a little dog, and play catch in the park with my son and get ice cream and buy a little house with a garden and a black picket fence.

Look, I’m really sorry, give me a second chance, I’ve changed I swear. The man you dated then doesn’t exist anymore, I’ve grown up and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and you are the love of my life. I love you. Please take me back. Haha, have you ever fallen for that? What an idiot! Haha!

If anyone ever really pisses me off, I think this is what I’m going to say, “hey, wait, one second, I’m fantasizing about having sex with your mother. I don’t even know her name, and I’m fucking her in the ass!”

Guys, it’s cancer. A lot of people have been asking what my astrological sign is, and that’s what it is.

The boisterous girl who acts like a man bit gets old so quick. And once she gets old, it goes from maybe kinda sassy to you’re just an old hag.

There’s no food at this hotel, and I am REALLY hungry. I’m also REALLY lazy. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, these are like the two most powerful forces in my life colliding head to head.

When I come crawling back to the US with my tail between my legs, I’m really gonna miss public drinking. And gorgeous European women. And kebab.

Why are there so many starving artists? I mean, go to a soup kitchen, hello, they’re free. Some people just don’t use their brains

#issomethingismokeallthetime. Has a stoner come up with that joke yet? Can I coin it if not? Cool