The Official Website of Dave Charlie

If I ever need to pass another “background check,” I am seriously fucked. Well then, I guess I’ve crossed the Rubicon. Full speed ahead, boys

Ben Jonson had better sentence structure. Shakespeare wrote from the heart. No one knows who the fuck Ben Jonson is.

I love sex. I love freedom even more. And I REALLY love sex. Which means I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY love freedom. Give me liberty or give me death.

P.S. No, the last sentence isn’t mine, moron, maybe you should have paid attention in history class

If you give a dog a bone, next time you see him he’s going to expect a bone.

The cool thing is I’ve met more people in the past 3 months than I’d met in the 3 years prior. The not cool thing is that in the last 3 weeks, I’ve been accosted by more unrelenting street vendors trying to sell me worthless crap than in 26 years prior. No means no, Mr. Panhandler, somebody failed his sexual harassment course

It’s the digital age, you can’t hide. I mean, Carmen San Diego had to change her Facebook privacy settings it was getting so bad. And Waldo’s Twitter account gives him away every time.

Ummm, so at 3:30 you said you were gonna take a nap and you’d call me when you woke up. You called me at 5:30, but Facebook chat and Whatsapp said you were last active at 4:25. You wanna explain that? Hmm?

“They say I’m just a stupid kid, another crazy radical, rock’n’roll is dead I probably should have stayed in school. Another generation X who somehow slipped up through the cracks. Oh they’d love to see me fall, but I’m already on my back. So it goes in one ear and right out the other, people talking shit but you know I never bother.”

Yes, hi, dorky guy. The cute girl who’s your really good “friend” and with whom you are secretly in love and you would give up everything to marry her, she wants to date the guy who’s gonna treat her like shit and not call her and break her heart and she’s gonna come crawling to you for consolation and she’s gonna tell you how nice you are and how much she appreciates you, but no, she still doesn’t want to fuck you. Sorry, dude.

“She was cute, for a fat chick.” That’s not something I like hearing come out of my mouth.