The Official Website of Dave Charlie

I want to dress up like a little boy and go to the Vatican museum.

Titty fucking is the best thing ever. I am aware I previously stated that blow jobs were the best thing ever. I realize that this presents a contradiction. Let’s take a short break and we’ll talk about it later.

So, it has just been called to my attention that I am now entering the “older guy” realm, but I don’t have money or big corporate career prospects, BUT I am technically an artist of sorts (or at least a wannabe) and could hang out with the artsy crowd and probably be fine. It’s all about marketing, guys. You could take a groundbreaking, history-changing invention like refrigeration, now go try to sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo, help them find a good spot in their igloo for it. Exactly. It doesn’t matter what the product is, if the market you’re targeting doesn’t want or need it, it’s not going to sell. I’m going to write a dating book based on economic principles. Law of diminishing returns? For sure. Supply and demand? Definitely. Cost-benefit analysis? Hahaha! This book is gonna write itself.

I want there to be a porn star named Jenna Tilworts. Man that is disgustingly hilarious.

So, in Rome, I met this awesome dude from San Diego, and we started talking about chicks because well, we are guys and that’s what guys do, and we started talking about mirrors/filming sex. I have never filmed any sexual encounter with a girlfriend or otherwise, but one of my girlfriends had a giant mirror to the right of her bed. So this is basically what I told him.”Yeah, it was pretty cool, I would look over during doggie and it was like I was watching a porno, except I would look at her and see this really attractive girl with an amazing body, a full body tan, and D cups and then look at my pale, fat ass and just think, why the hell is she fucking me??” He said he would watch some of the videos he took with his girlfriend and think that same exact thing. Man, when I look at guys, even fairly attractive guys, and I see how hairy and sweaty and often out of shape they are, I just feel bad for straight women. How do you stand fucking us?

I’m still anti fake tits. It’s like hooking up with a cyborg. 

If you’ve been sucking dick for as long as I’ve been alive, I probably don’t want to have sex with you.

“I’m a cynic with a smirk.” – Dave Charlie

Yeah, sorry, I’ve just been busy and shit. Whatever fuck you, read my book while you wait