The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Anyone who can create another human being inside their body, I can’t trust ’em! No way! That’s some freaky shit!

Antman is the worst fucking superhero, I really hope they don’t make a Hollywood feature film with him. A superhero who is a fucking pacifist and shrinks down and rides around on a flying ant? I’d rather see Darkwing Duck 3D

If you ever want to freak yourself out, just Google your mild symptoms. You’ll come away convinced you have cystic fibrosis, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, and cancerous leprosy.

I’m hungry. Mmm. Now I’m thirsty. Ahhh. Now I’m tired. Yawwwn. Now I need to go to the bathroom. Phew. I’m hungry again.

Sometimes, when people read stuff I’ve written and then see me in person, they will look at me funny, like they want to poke me and have all those thoughts come spilling out. Or they’re just formulating an escape plan.

If I were a girl with a boyfriend but wasn’t married and was bitter about it, whenever Beyoncé’s single ladies song came on at a bar or club I would start dancing really provocatively and get my hands up and shake my ring finger and really shove it in his face. That would be a good way to foster a healthy marriage.

So I’ve met quite a few people out here  who tell me they are “studying a broad.” I would like to study a broad. With my penis.

I am a devout agnostic.

Yeah, uh huh, totally, you gotta learn to love yourself before you should go fuck up in a relationship.