The Official Website of Dave Charlie

If someone from New York is called a New Yorker, then someone from Hamburg must be called a Hamburger. It only makes sense. Delicious sense.

Fuck! Ok no more Holocaust jokes

So I checked in at my hostel in Hamburg and they gave me this cool yellow star to wear on my jacket!

Oh, also, if you’re ever offended by anything on this blog, please email your complaint to thendontfuckingreadmyblog@thefirstamendment.com

There are literally like 10 fucking people staying at this fairly large hostel and I am stuck next to (like actually next to, our bunks form an “L” shape in a corner) the Dutchman with the fucking plague. He coughs, like a loud, hacking, whooping cough and makes these really loud, audibly very crisp, mucusy gargling noises every 25-45 seconds. That’s been the past 2 nights. Night 3, I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing, it sounds like he’s just rubbing the sheets quickly with his hand, I’m really not sure what’s going on except that I want to fucking bash his head in with a wooden shoe

Ok, so, once again, I’m staying at a Christian hostel in Amsterdam. One of the guys staying here is a flaming, flaming homosexual. Like, there’s just an aura of cock that exudes from his being. He looks like a girl, talks like a girl, walks like a girl, except he’s hairy as fuck. He walks around the hostel and talks to the devoutly religious staff and I just wonder, what are they thinking? I guess they just think he’s a lost sheep, a lost sheep who likes dick and needs to stop sucking dick and come back to The Lord. I don’t know, I just wish he would stop looking at me seductively

In Celsius, freezing is 0 degrees and boiling is 100 degrees. Makes sense. In Fahrenheit, freezing is 32 degrees and boiling is 212 degrees?? What the fuck is that shit?!