The Official Website of Dave Charlie

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” – Winston Churchill

You look old and pathetic as you cling to your fading infrastructure and archaic business practices.

I have the internet, I have several devices that are able to connect to the internet, and I have eyeballs. Now why can’t I watch the Dodgers in Los Angeles?.

Wow, the writing for True Detective sucks now that Nic Pizzolatto can’t rip off Thomas Ligotti anymore. Yeah, I’m calling you out, Pizzolatto, you stupid fuck. We as writers expect the rest of the world to try to take advantage of us, but a writer on writer atrocity? You’re a fucking cannibal.

Holy crap, are you watching this?? It’s like World War II all over again! Except we dropped three this time. I mean four. Sorry, five now.

I’m watching women’s football today. No, no, not the lingerie football league, I’m watching women’s FOOTBALL today. “Soccer,” to the lay person. What moron came up with the word “soccer” anyway? 

This is how I imagine my future relationship with my niece/nephew:
5 years old – “I’m five, I know nothing, buy me presents.”
10 years old – “Uncle Dave acts really silly!!”
15 years old – “Ah, he’s an alcoholic, got it.”
25 years old – “So, liver failure, that sucks.”

Yes, when you’re working, I’m sleeping. And people will give me a hard time about this. But what I don’t think you understand is that, when you’re sleeping, I’m working.

The important thing, if your problems involve women, is that you’re still getting blowjobs. If that’s not the case, then you need to restrategize. The end of blowjobs is like pulling out the keystone of an arch. The second the blowjobs stop, it’s fucking over.