The Official Website of Dave Charlie

American Pharaoh won the Triple Crown. I was glued to the TV. Sorry, I used the “g” word.

Are you hungry? I mean, I’m not super hungry, but I could eat. Or we could just wait. Maybe we could split something. Do you have any cash? All I have is my Amex. I could do sushi. Or maybe we should just get a snack. Have you ever tried funnel cake? I hear the funnel cake here is amazing. Nah, too many calories. If we get a snack we need to get a healthy snack. Like a salad. We could each get side salads, or we could split a full salad. What do you think? – I think your boyfriend is frantically looking for sharp objects to thrust into his abdomen, but that’s just me.

My dog is pansexual, and I accept him for who he is goddammit.

Godammit, Ballantine Ale is so fucking awesome, I can’t stand it. 

Remember when dogs used to have jobs? They were employees essentially. You gave them room and board. And in exchange, they pulled your sled, retrieved the duck you shot for dinner, herded your sheep, killed vermin. Now they’re just practice runs for having children.

I don’t know what hyperbole is or what similes are. I must be dumb as a rock.

I don’t know what satire is. I’ve never heard of it. I wonder if I’ve ever been involved with it.

I just learned how to embed video!!!! #TechGenius

This is a Calvin Klein commercial from 1988 directed by David Lynch, starring Benicio Del Toro and Heather Graham. The voice over actor is reading F. Scott Fitzgerald. This is fucking crazy