The Official Website of Dave Charlie

I am going to rape your newsfeed so hard this weekend. So hard.

ATM in the banking industry and ATM in the adult film industry mean totally different things. Totally different.

What the hell does “melax” mean?? That’s so stupid!!! It’s not even a fucking word!!!!!!!

The whole self-loathing writer thing is so cliche, I know, I know. And for that I hate myself even more. It’s a vicious cycle.

Here’s what’s gonna happen if you steal my ideas: absolutely nothing.

What did John Bobbitt’s employer give him when they laid him off? A severance package!!!! Wahhhh!!!!!!!

“You should try being a vegetarian.”
“I’m not doing anything that doesn’t involve salami.”

Who wants to join my club? It’s called the Generally Dissatisfied With Everything and Nothing Will Ever Be Enough Club. We meet every Tuesday at the bottom of 7 pint glasses. Let me know if you would like to join in.

Yes, I would love to meet your parents. Right after I shove a scalding hot horseshoe into my eye sockets. Should I bring flowers? I’m thinking orchids.

Yeah, no, I’m fine, I’m just uhh tired, or busy, or stressed out or something.