The Official Website of Dave Charlie

This is how I will sum up San Diego: Hi, you’re the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. Hi! You are now the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. HELLOOO!!! I’ve seen some hot girls down here, but YOU, my darling, are the hottest girl I have EVER seen in my entire life. No, no, please don’t speak, you’ll ruin this.

Oh, you’re still here? One sec.

P.P.S. I hate you.

Ok, yes, I have deep qualms with and stark doubts about marriage, but I changed the angle at which I was looking at it, and I think I understand better. That despite this fickle world, despite all the volatility and change storming around us, despite the uncertainty of what the future may hold, despite all of this, you know, you are utterly, utterly convinced deep down, till death do us part. I’m marrying writing. It sounds super douchey, but I’m gonna marry whoever I want fuck you. So, here we go…..it’s done! I’m a married man, fuck off. P.S. I’m serious.

Get something through your thick skull. I’m. Not. Going. To. Stop. Not for you or anyone else. I wrote this a year ago:
“The man who is so convinced of something that he is willing to give up everything, including his life, for what he believes in, that’s the man you should keep your eye on, for better or worse. It’s the man with the backup plan who you can ignore.”
So. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. And kiss me already.

It hasn’t been accepted yet.

My Cosmo article –
How To Keep Your Man Happy:
–Shut the fuck up for 5 seconds.
By Dave Charlie

Ok, ok, my Cosmo article. One second. I spent a lot of time on it.

Oh, and I’m going to see Bill Burr at the Wiltern on New Year’s Eve. I would blow that man. If you don’t know who Bill Burr is, educate yourself.

Just a reminder that I hate you passionately.