The Official Website of Dave Charlie

I think every company should have a hot girl in lingerie walking around the office all day. We’ll call her a “business model.” I need to find a good business model.

I’ll make you a deal. If I am ever respected for any reason, for anything I might possibly have done, I promise to write about how fucking stupid it is.

I wanted to cheat on my boyfriend, but I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t, but now I feel weird and conflicted about my relationship.

Omg, you played high school football?? Let me suck your dick! 10 years ago.

It’s not you, it’s me. I just need someone who doesn’t suck. It’s my little quirk.

I’m a recovering sexaholic. I am currently recovering from a crazy whipped cream choking orgy, took a lot out of me.

Ok, you see, it’s not that guys just stop “getting” blow jobs once they’re married, it’s that they stop WANTING them. After you get married your priorities shift. You’re now doing more important things with your life, like raising children and providing for your family and leaving the world a better place than it was before, and you don’t have time for silly things like blow jobs. I mean, what would you rather do, raise a child alongside the love of your life, your life partner and best friend, or have some hot slut with big, fat tits slobbering all over your cock until you shoot a load of thick, warm semen into her mouth and then she swallows it all and continues to work you down nice and slow while she fondles your balls and your perineum until you go limp and softly drift off into a euphoric sleep?  Exactly, it’s all about priorities.

So, apparently I have a “nontraditional lifestyle.” I’ve just been calling it ” doing whatever the fuck I want shut up for fuck’s sake.” Whatever you wanna call it I guess.

Honey, I’m home 🙂

Read some Bukowski and chill the fuck out.