I’ve fallen. Off my horse. It’s not that I can’t get back on my horse, it’s that I can’t find the horse. And I’m kinda drunk, and definitely dehydrated. And I don’t know where I’m going with this metaphor exactly, but I know for sure that there’s a horse and I’m supposed to be on it and I’m not. I’ll keep you posted.

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It wasn’t what you said, it was the way you said it.

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I think God’s a woman. That would explain the erratic behavior.

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Stop naming your kids Jax, Sons of Anarchy wasn’t even that good of a show.

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Video review. If baseball wasn’t slow enough already.

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If you drink Redd’s Apple Ale, I can’t be friends with you.

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Stop talking about Johnny Manziel. He’s not even good at football.

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I suggest not being too in love with yourself, you stupid fucking mortal.

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Because I know what you’re thinking. Like, I know what your thoughts are.

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Anal sex, “it’s not just for gay men” 😉

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