The Official Website of Dave Charlie

When does In-n-Out close? 1 AM?? Phew!!!

This is not a fucking dialogue, it’s a soliloquy. But you can comment a little bit every once in a while. EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE.

I don’t lash out irrationally. I lash out rationally. Hence Dave Charlie 🙂

Awww, your baby’s so cute, get it away from me.

I’m gonna give you some really good advice despite the fact that I’m a bitterly sarcastic douche bag. Ready? Be a tourist in your own city. We get so wrapped up in work and our day-to-day lives, we often miss awesome stuff in our own backyards.

Guys, can you help me out? I need some new skinny jeans. Like skinny skinny. Like REALLY REALLY skinny, not just “slim cut.” I need them to be like anorexic jeans. Ideas?

Ok, tentative plan. Date a really hot, really stupid celebrity and then write all about it. Now I just need to figure out how I’m going to get enough money and social status to pull a hot celebrity. Sex tape!!!!!! With Oprah.

Look, ok, if I walk through the Tenderloin, I’m more worried about getting hepatitis than I am about getting mugged.

“Life is really about shutting the fuck up with all your stupid clichés and metaphors I hate you.” -Dave Charlie  🙂

Apparently I “break the fourth wall” often in my writing. I’ve just been calling it “doing whatever the fuck I want shut the fuck up you fucking douche bags.” Just different terms for the same thing, that’s all.