The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Hey, wanna hook up for awhile until one of us finds someone we actually like?

I know I haven’t been paying much attention to you guys, I’ve just been really busy with things that actually make me money. I know, I know, no excuses, I’m sorry. Let’s see what I have in my bag of tricks. Just a bunch of dead hookers! Get it?? Bag of tricks? Just kidding! They’re still alive. But honestly, there is some debate on the topic of what a “trick” is. It had usually referred to the “john” or a prostitute’s clientele, hence the term “turning tricks,” which is slang for, “optimizing inventory turnover rate in order to maximize net yield in a given pay period (usually one evening).” But in 1992, Dr. Dre came out with his hit rap song, “Bitches Ain’t Shit” in which he refers to the women themselves as “tricks.” This sparked an evolution in the use of the vernacular. Therefore, in conclusion, your mother’s a whore.

I like silly hats 🙂

Yeah, “nowhere” can be perceived as “no-where.” But it can also be perceived as “now-here.” Blows your mind, doesn’t it?

Well, I lost in fantasy football. Luckily, there are more important things going on in my life, things that truly matter in the grand scheme of things. Things that actually possess real bearing on the quality of my life. Like real football! Daaaa Bbbeeeaarrsss!!!

Da Bears

Ok, yeah, American football is a bunch of meathead guys jumping on each other, and it comes to a grinding halt every 4-5 seconds. I understand your criticism. But I like it. A lot. It probably just comes down to what you grow up with. That’s why you like watching grown men flailing on the ground faking seemingly life-threatening injuries every 4-5 seconds in an attempt to drawn a penalty. But if you like soccer, it’s cool with me.

Ummm, yes, I am aware.

My emotional outlet.

Why is everyone procreating? We have enough people. We’re good. We’re set. We’ve got 7 billion. Let’s just take a few decades off.