The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Ke$ha was born on March 1st 1987, she is 26 years old. How much would you like to bet that she will die next year at the age of 27? Management has had it planned out since day one. I’m thinking overdose or car crash. Or crushed in an orgy.

Why did Wilbur Wright ask Orville Wright to come to the bar with him? Because he needed a wingman!!! Bam! Let’s get this day started off right.

But doesn’t couples fantasy football defeat the purpose of fantasy football? Couples fantasy football is kind of like mani-pedi poker night. You stupid assholes, this is your chance to get away from each other for a second.

Well, I wanted to play fantasy football with my friends, but they said I couldn’t join the couples league without a partner of some kind. Alter egos don’t count apparently.

I hate the human race with a fiery, fiery passion.

No one wants to hear about how much fun you had in your fraternity.

Argh, my phone died. I can’t get home. I have no means to navigate anywhere because I am shamefully dependent on technology and can in no way think for myself and am totally incapable of talking to people I don’t know. This is it. It was nice knowing you guys.

Do you know what the difference is between a fiancée and a fiancé? I’ll give you a hint. One is planning the wedding and the other is watching football.

Here’s a comprehensive list of people who could make me stop writing:
1. Santa Claus
2. The Tooth Fairy
3. Captain America
4. Spider-man
5. The little mermaid

Wow, all of a sudden I have “an interesting background.” I just thought I was a dropout who dicked around bartending and valet parking, worked in entertainment for awhile, and then said fuck everything and went to Europe. I guess manipulating people’s highly malleable perceptions is incontrovertibly correlated with utilizing felicitous vernacular.