The Official Website of Dave Charlie

European women really are insanely hot. Yes, please, just talk to me in whatever language you’re speaking in and sound really forcible and wear high heels and a bustier and whip me and spank me and sit on my face. That would be great.

I don’t know why people dislike tourists, tourists are great. They speak in other languages, they wear hilariously short shorts, they’re perpetually confused and lost and looking at maps, they are perplexed and amazed by your mundane, plus they bring money into the city. It’s win win win win win. And European women are really hot. Win.

Hello, person I talk to sporadically, please ask me about how, since I’ve moved to San Francisco, if I am now gay. It’s so funny and clever and original. Go ahead, let your expansive, inventive wit and humor run wild.

This movie sucks that movie sucks this band sucks that band sucks this restaurant sucks that restaurant sucks. You know what? You suck.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Just fucking with you 😉

I wonder what kind of relationship Ke$ha has with her father.

Why do butterflies get such a reputation for being social?

Here’s a fun snippet I came up with today, when I type “dgaf” this is what pops up: “Hey, babe, sorry, can’t make it tonight, have to work late, love you, call you tomorrow.”
Clever, right?

Yes, I’m being flippant right now and yes I realize that I’m also being at least slightly offensive, but if you ever find yourself on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, Way, Street, Parkway, or Avenue, just be careful.

If I’m texting back and forth with a girl and she uses any more than 2 consecutive exclamation marks, it’s over between us.