The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Guys, I know what I want for my birthday. I want a dental insurance. Thanks, you guys are the best.

Hey, you remind me of my ex. Wanna dance?

I’m in love with Phil Emery.

Having a 7 foot tall black guy in the entourage is like the best thing ever. Any time there is a verbal altercation, all we have to do is point and say, “he’s with us.”

I am legitimately a crazy person.

Ya know how if you drink too much, the bar “cuts you off.” I witnessed a bum get cut off. By a CVS.

Some of the guys at the bachelor party asked me when I’m going to get married. They don’t know me very well.

Why is this street here?

Just to be forewarned, if I go to your wedding or bachelor party or wedding shower or whatever the fuck and spend any money on your shit, gifts, airfare, accommodations, dry cleaning bill whatever, and you ever get a divorce, I’m going to fucking invoice you.

Someone told me this: “Sometimes your writing is really funny, but sometimes it’s really angry and aggressive.” Yep, take it or leave it, motherfucker.