The Official Website of Dave Charlie

“Lights out. Guerrilla radio. Turn that shit up.”

By the way, it’s called “self-deprecation.” The crucial word being “self.” If you attempt to join in, you’re not going to last very long. I will take away all of your opportunity to interact. Write that one down, it’s important.

I don’t even remember making that event.

I’ve made a decision. Every wedding I go to, and it’s looking to be about 6, every wedding I go to, I’m not fucking around with your stupid registry. I’m giving you cash, cold hard cash, and if you have a problem with cash you can uninvite me. Thanks. P.S. I’m serious.

You know what I love about writing? Writing is basically, “I talk, you listen.” It’s really great. What do you think? Oh right, it doesn’t matter! Hooray! Are we having fun yet?? I am 🙂

Do you know why I predominantly write pieces that are 420 characters or less? Because you motherfuckers have the attention span of ferrets, and if I wrote anything longer you’d just lose interest and turn on some reality TV.

So did you guys like my screenplay? The one I emailed to you. Oh, you didn’t read it? Let me guess, you’ve just been sooooooo busy lately and haven’t had time? I understand wink wink, don’t worry, I don’t take it personally. I mean, in the end it’s your loss. A badass tranny playing poker and hooking up with chicks and mowing down the Russian mafia with a machine gun? It’s all there. Too bad for you.

Well, I’m pretty sure it’s only a matter of time before I buy a motorcycle. Don’t tell mom.

I think if I can keep my friends’ girlfriends/wives from killing me, I have a good solid 10 years left.

Man, I’m getting to the age where if I date laterally I’m going to find myself in the situation where I’m like, “Damn! She’s hot!! But she has a kid…..” I think I need to just go younger and younger within the confines of my legal responsibility. Yep. Well, I’m glad that’s settled.