The Official Website of Dave Charlie

I’m not a player, I’m a desperately lonely, shamefully sexual, emotional cripple with intimacy issues. There’s a big difference.

Why do girls I randomly make out with at clubs always ask me if I have a girlfriend? No, if I had a girlfriend I wouldn’t be drunk at a club making out with strangers. I’d be drunk doing some really kinky borderline illegal role playing S&M shit with her.

“The desire to write grows with writing.” – Desiderius Erasmus
Yep, and the desire to loathe you all immensely grows with loathing you all immensely.

“We recovered an onside kick after a touchdown”? Actually, YOU did not do anything. The professional football team that you happen to like recovered an onside kick. Congratufuckinglations.

“After working as an accountant for multiple nonprofit charity organizations, I would never donate money to a nonprofit” -My accountant friend. Thought you should know. I’m just looking to “raise awareness.”

Monogamy? Yeah, I had a coffee table made of that, hated that coffee table, ended up getting rid of it.

Dropping out of college was the best decision I ever made. Committing myself to writing was the second. Going to Europe on a one-way ticket was the third. Currently working on the fourth.

Ok, here’s basically how it works. With girls, it comes and it goes. I do whatever the fuck I want and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. But I never change my approach. Yes, pride’s a bitch. And that’s ok, because a lot of girls are too.

Omg!! We haven’t talked in forever!!!!!!!! And probably for a reason!!! Let’s not try to hang out!!!

Money can buy you a lot of things, but money can’t buy you charisma.