The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Hey, it’s been awhile, did you miss me? Good, I didn’t miss you either. So, I’ve had a stressful day, and I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’m going to rape your newsfeed. And I mean rape it. Hard. So ummmm, shall we?

Can I be your silly American friend?? Por favor! Bitte! S’il vous plaît!! Per favore!! Guacamole!!

If you’re going to hell, like this post. Come on, it’ll be fun, we’ll barbecue everyday and get super tan.

Can I kill an intern? They’re not real people, right?

So, I decided to do a cleanse. No booze, no caffeine. It started out really great, then I found out about this thing called “caffeine withdrawals.” I hate everything.

Isn’t it funny how things work? OR DON’T WORK.

Tuesday is trash day. They come in the morning.

You don’t sell movie tickets obeying the laws of physics.

If you’re a bartender and your tips are huge, guys are gonna give you bigger boobs.

Miley Cyrus, you are a dirty whore. But that is your prerogative, and you know what? I know a lot of dirty whores, and they can be very nice people. So because I don’t know you personally, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But you’re still like really disgusting. But I don’t dislike you for it.