The Official Website of Dave Charlie

I’m a sociologist, anthropologist, journalist, and philosopher. Unfortunately, they’re all unpaid.

Let me guess. You’re working a lot and it’s hard to find time for your significant other? Or, you’re working a lot and it’s hard to find time to meet quality people? Or you’re working a lot and want me to shut the fuck up?

I was going to talk shit on Justin Beiber, but I decided against it. Because he’s filthy rich and probably had sex with more women by the age of 17 than I will my entire life.

Ok, girls, if you ask me, “How old do you think I am?” That is tantamount to you asking, “How much do you think I weigh?” And the answer is the same: “Fuck no, I’m not stupid, no way in hell.”

Well, DAVE, it’s not Randy’s fault that you’re not open to and accepting of many different types of people. Hey, hey, hey, whoa, I definitely am open to and accepting of many different types of people, sorry my initial INVOLUNTARY RESPONSE was pejorative, I’ll have to write a letter to THE CREATOR OF THE HUMAN RACE.

I just saw a bearded lady showing cleavage. I just saw a bearded lady showing cleavage. I just saw a bearded lady showing cleavage. That’s not a metaphor or anything. I’m still processing it. Fuck, this is going to take like 3 therapy sessions. So, she/he is going to cost me like 600 bucks. Thanks a lot, RANDY.

So, Fidelity Investments sent me my 401k back. They said it was too low of a balance to maintain. They cut me a check for $9.67. Drinks on me.

Alright, alright, that’s enough, goodnight. How about a goodnight kiss? Just a little peck on the cheek? Just an itty-bitty one? Ok, ha, I’m done, I swear.

Jenny McCarthy, I hope you get rubella and die.

Well, I found out two things today:
1. Around the age of 26 is when the human brain is fully finished developing and people realize they’re not invincible.
2. I’m not invincible.