The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Yeah, a monkey could do my job. But only if that monkey likes beer and swimming pools.

Yeah, fuck you 🙂

In order to promote my writing career I have decided to make a sex tape. With Oprah. Or Meryl Streep.

I dozed off for a little while and I had two dreams. One was an end of the world scenario, and the other was me alienating all of my friends and getting heckled by them publicly. Dreams are funny aren’t they??

Holy fuck, if one more person asks me if I am “working hard or hardly working,” I am like seriously gonna flip out. It was clever the first ten thousand times I heard it, now I just want to disembowel you and strangle you to death with your large intestine.

Ok, everyone knows the “Oedipus Complex” but what’s it called if you just really love your mommy and you want her to hold you forever and ever? That’s called an “Oedipussy Complex.” Simple.

Pretty people doing ugly things? Easy, strip club. Ugly people doing pretty things? Ummm, soup kitchen? Maybe, probably. How the fuck should I know? Seriously. Don’t listen to me. Ever.

I don’t care how comfortable or ergonomic it is to wear those shoes with the individual toes, you look like a moron.

“Oooo yeah, they say life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.” That is a song lyric from “Jack and Diane” by John Mellencamp and in no way reflects how I actually feel about life, I just like the song and feel like posting its lyrics to my blog.

Someone asked me if I’m a “glass half full” or “glass half empty” kind of guy. I finished the rest of my beer and pointed, “the glass is clearly completely fucking empty, but at least I’m drunk.” Then I smirked at her. I think that pretty much epitomizes Dave Charlie 😉