The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Well, the job search hasn’t been going very well, so decided to turn to religion. I was reading the bible and I came across “The Book of Job”! I think this is the chapter I was meant to read.

This isn’t my first rodeo. It’s my second.

Sorry for referring to myself in the third person. As a general rule I don’t like to do that, so I am genuinely kind of sorry.

Idle hands are Dave Charlie’s workshop.

Get it? Do you get it? It’s a joke. I joke. That’s all I do is joke. Because I’m scared and confused and insecure and unsure of my place on this world. Hmmm that’s not funny.

And God gave you two ears and one mouth so you can…ummm, do something…I forget. What was I talking about again?

Well, I’ve got an hour to kill. Should we do some stretches?

I like my women how I like my roasted pine nut red pepper hummus. Organic.

List of top 10 things that scare me:
1. Babies
2. Wedding rings
3. Houses/mortgages
4. Mountain lions
5. Female ejaculation
6. Getting into any sort of accident where I am totally fucked up but do not have the capacity to kill myself
7. Herpes
8. Robots
9. Getting rufied and gang raped
10. My own thoughts

Babies are really starting to scare me. When they look at me I just feel like they’re saying, “take care of me, Dave. Help me. I need your help. If you don’t take care of me I’ll die.” And then my heart starts to beat really fast and I get slightly disoriented and I buy a pack of condoms.