The Official Website of Dave Charlie

I went to the gym for the first time in a really long time and I’m really proud of myself and I would like you to share this moment with me.

So, without getting into the disgustingly opulent back story, since returning from Europe I have been given sporadic use of a BMW 7 series automobile. And let me tell you, holy shit, nice cars are like porno for women, it’s kind of appalling. But, I’m kinda jealous too. I wish I could get that turned on by an inanimate object. Inanimate objects don’t get cold and tired! Ha, just kidding. Maybe. Ok, stop staring, it’s rude.

What’s the difference between buying a pack of jumbo condoms and buying a jumbo pack of condoms? Quality over quantity.

I love kids. There’s just something about young goats, I’m obsessed!

I am currently ring shopping. I’m looking for prostitution rings. I’m gonna buy one and run it. That’s gonna be my job.

When you give a mouse a cookie, guess fucking what?

I just watched a porno with a girl on her knees giving a blow job, and she had a silver cross dangling from her neck. It’s a good thing God doesn’t know about oral sex, and there’s nothing in the bible about cameras, otherwise she might be doing something immoral.

When Gwen Stefani wrote “Spiderwebs,” caller ID obviouslyyyy hadn’t been invented yet.

Fuck, I’m going to pull a literary Ryan Leaf. Or probably more like a Cade McNown.

So, I should like probably update this more. I’m kinda blowing it here.