The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Notice that my views haven’t changed much in the past 6 years. So, if anything’s changed, it’s you.

Hey, don’t get mad at me, you’re the one who fucking willingly signed the goddamn contract.

I don’t really understand divorce. What part of “till death do us part” do you fucks not understand?

Your fake boobs are so hot, I wanna suck on your incision scars.

If you feel like you’re getting too old to find a quality life partner, I suggest settling for the person you’re with and then silently resenting him or her for the rest of your life.

He’s not going to propose. I suggest you make other plans. You might be able to guilt him into it, if you believe in fairy tales.

Drugs are bad, don’t do drugs. Drugs are just an escape, a temporary escape from your problems. A short break from your hectic routine and daily monotony. A gasp of air from drowning in the whirlpool of day to day life. A sliver of light in a pitch black dungeon. But don’t do them. They are bad.

Do you get sad sometimes? Feel down? Feel that life is difficult and confusing? Do get frustrated, or feel lost and alone? You’re suffering from a condition called: Being a Human Being. Being A Human Being is not curable, but it can be treated with copious amounts of alcohol, drugs, and sex.

I’m gonna get married and have a couple of rugrats and get a little dog, and play catch in the park with my son and get ice cream and buy a little house with a garden and a black picket fence.

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.