Czech It Out (yes, we’re done with the Czech puns now)

Holy shit, I need to tell you about this bus company. Ok, I originally booked a train from Prague to Vienna, I bought it online and actually got charged and everything, they said they would email me the ticket within 24 hours. Instead I get an email telling me that the ticket I got is sold out (despite the fact that I already bought it), ok, what can you do, it’s a third world country, kidding, ok the Czech travel agent gives me like 4 other options, it was kind of impressive despite that fact that I wasn’t getting the ticket I already got charged for. I could get a refund, I could change my departure time and get the same price, I could buy a full price ticket for the same time, or I could take the bus. I asked for a different time. Now that had sold out. Again, what are you gonna do? Complain about it on your blog? Yep! But seriously, so, I say, ok, I’ll take the bus. It’s actually 12 euro cheaper, it just takes 3 hours longer than the train. Whatever, save a few bucks, I’ll still get there, fine. So I get to the bus port and find my bus, the stewardess, or, hmmm, I guess stewardess isn’t the correct term anymore. Why is that? Fuck it, the stewardess was this super hot Czech girl and she started talking to me in Czech. I had no idea what she was saying so I just gawked stupidly at her hotness. Whatever she was saying I would have done, I just couldn’t understand her. When I answered in English then she asked me for my e ticket confirmation number. I gave it to her along with my undivided attention. Then she tells me I have seat 5. I walk on the bus and it’s a fuckin nice ass bus, I find my seat, nice seat, little air conditioning vent, everything is cool. I notice a little TV on the seatback in front of me, which I always automatically assume sells you some bullshit for 3 times the regular price. Then she comes over the loud speaker and tells us the little TV will give you free movies, TV, and games and she’ll be coming around with headphones and we get free wifi. Fuck me sideways. I snag some headphones and start cruising thru the movies. Then the hot stewardess, yes stewardess, fuck you, grabs a stack of newspapers and magazines and starts offering them to everyone! If I could read Czech I would have fucking snagged one, but I can’t so it would have been a waste of paper. Then, I pick a movie, someone recommended Sucker Punch to me so I threw that on. Is anyone still reading this shit? Ok, so, I’m fully engrossed in watching some generic hot blonde run around in slow motion when the hot stewardess tries to get my attention. Free drink? Of course I want a fucking free drink!!!!!! Cappuccino?? Sold!!!!!!! So, I’m sitting there in my air conditioned seat, sippin on a cappuccino, checking my email, watching free movies and thinking, wow, this is the best fucking bus company in the history of the world. For the next two hours I finish Sucker Punch (which was sweet, I’m excited for Zach Snyder’s superman) and start Tenacious D and the pick of destiny. Then, Mrs. Hot stewardess lady comes over the loud speaker and tells us we are approaching our first stop, we get a half hour break where we can grab food and use the restroom and be back by 1:30. I spent the entire half hour glued to my seat watching movies. Then we get started again, she comes by with another free cappuccino! I finish the tenacious D movie and start Dark knight rises. Midway thru batman we get to Vienna, and I was seriously bummed out. I literally did not want the trip to end, I wanted to stay on the fucking bus and watch movies and have hot stewardess lady serve me cappuccinos for the rest of my life. Anyway, I’m at the hostel now and I’m slowing coming down.