Category Archives: Uncategorized

It’s the digital age, you can’t hide. I mean, Carmen San Diego had to change her Facebook privacy settings it was getting so bad. And Waldo’s Twitter account gives him away every time.

Ummm, so at 3:30 you said you were gonna take a nap and you’d call me when you woke up. You called me at 5:30, but Facebook chat and Whatsapp said you were last active at 4:25. You wanna explain that? Hmm?

“They say I’m just a stupid kid, another crazy radical, rock’n’roll is dead I probably should have stayed in school. Another generation X who somehow slipped up through the cracks. Oh they’d love to see me fall, but I’m already on my back. So it goes in one ear and right out the other, people talking shit but you know I never bother.”

Yes, hi, dorky guy. The cute girl who’s your really good “friend” and with whom you are secretly in love and you would give up everything to marry her, she wants to date the guy who’s gonna treat her like shit and not call her and break her heart and she’s gonna come crawling to you for consolation and she’s gonna tell you how nice you are and how much she appreciates you, but no, she still doesn’t want to fuck you. Sorry, dude.

“She was cute, for a fat chick.” That’s not something I like hearing come out of my mouth.

The best thing James Dean ever did for his career was die. If he could have continued he probably would have ended up freakin the fuck out like Mel Gibson or becoming some wacko Scientologist or killing his girlfriend. But instead, our perception of him will eternally remain, leather jacket, bad ass, rebel without a cause.

Hey, guys, so I’m engaged. I’m watching this really interesting documentary right now, very engaging film.

I have a feeling my siblings and their respective spouses are, eventually, going to have the “uncle Dave” talk

Sometimes the only thing that gets me through a situation is repeating to myself, “you can write about it later, you can write about it later.”

I want to make a porno called “The Hung Jury.” What happens is there is a trial, and all 12 jurors are well-endowed men. They can’t reach a decision on the court case, so the hot female defendant enters the juror’s deliberation room and has a persuasive gangbang with them. And in the end she GETS OFF!!!! Oh man, one day all my stupid ideas will cum to fruition.