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“You wired me awake and hit me with a hand of broken nails you tied my lead and pulled my chain to watch my blood begin to boil. But I’m gonna break. I’m gonna break my. I’m gonna break my rusty cage and run.”

“My mind is filled with ghosts they’re more than most of all my loves gone wrong. My mind should be the way most people say that I should just move on. My mind is focused on things past and gone when I have no control. I can’t forget there used to be, I used to see, but now no more. Think I’m living in a past life, in a past life too. It’s a kind of thing that catches up to you. I guess I just believe that it’s the thing to do. So here’s a little feedback, you gotta wear those shoes.”

Yeah, Dave, you’ve got 10 people following your blog! Sick! What’s that mean?? It means jack shit you fucking hack. You’re mean. Shut up. Quit talkin to yourself. You’re doing it too. I know you are but what am I?

-Are you ok?
-Yeah, I’m just tired
-Are you sure? I feel like you’re mad at me. Are you mad at me? Is there anything we need to talk about?
-No, everything is fine, I’m just tired.
-Ok…..but I still think you might be mad at me. If there’s anything we need to talk about you wouldn’t hesitate to bring it up, right?
-Shut the fuck up! Ok, yes, I’m fucking mad at you now! Jesus, I said I was fucking tired, didn’t I??

Oh, you got married?? Congratulations! Now don’t read my book or follow my blog or be friends with me on Facebook. Yay!

If I ever need to pass another “background check,” I am seriously fucked. Well then, I guess I’ve crossed the Rubicon. Full speed ahead, boys

Ben Jonson had better sentence structure. Shakespeare wrote from the heart. No one knows who the fuck Ben Jonson is.

I love sex. I love freedom even more. And I REALLY love sex. Which means I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY love freedom. Give me liberty or give me death.

P.S. No, the last sentence isn’t mine, moron, maybe you should have paid attention in history class

If you give a dog a bone, next time you see him he’s going to expect a bone.

The cool thing is I’ve met more people in the past 3 months than I’d met in the 3 years prior. The not cool thing is that in the last 3 weeks, I’ve been accosted by more unrelenting street vendors trying to sell me worthless crap than in 26 years prior. No means no, Mr. Panhandler, somebody failed his sexual harassment course