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Man, it’s so hard to find good espresso in the states. Just kidding. But not really. But I am. But it’s true. But I don’t want to be that guy. But I kind of do. And I resent myself for it.

Kelly Clarkson is my idol.

If I had to choose the fate of a hypothetical mortal enemy, I would sentence him/her to a lifetime of working in food service in a touristy area. There are some fates worth than death. Your parking is valid for 2 hours. Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir. Have a wonderful day.

Hmmm, if I continue to be brutally honest in my writing, I will in all likelihood alienate some girls from wanting to date me. Luckily strippers can’t read.

Damn, sometimes when I’m casually hooking up with a girl, I just starting thinking about how she’s a real person, a person with goals and dreams and fears and insecurities and a family and friends and things that make her happy and things that make her sad and a favorite color and it just really fucks with my head. Alcohol helps a lot. Oh, sorry, should I not be brutally honest? I thought some people still did that.

So, I was talking to this girl and she was saying something like, “yeah, well my brother went home and lived with our parents for awhile, to figure stuff out, ya know?” No, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I have never moved back in with my parents, and I have always had a clear picture of what I want to do with my life.

I need you to understand something. For the sake of my personal relationships and employment, I do not exist. 

I like my women how I like my coffee: hot, strong, and filled with my cream. Mmmmm, that’s sexy.