Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Bears are playing at the Raiders in the NFL preseason on August 23rd. Who wants to go to Oakland with me? To a Raiders game. Rooting for the other team. I’ll buy your ticket. Guys? Are you there? Guys?

“Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me.” -Rage. Ok, that was aggressive. I’m sorry. But I do feel that way. But I don’t want it to make you not want to snuggle with me because I’m still a great snuggler.

Raccoons can see in the dark and have opposable thumbs? Raccoons are going to take over the world.

Who came up with the simile, “sleep like a baby”? It’s a stupidest thing ever, those little terrorists don’t fucking sleep.

The fat girl with a really cute face and nice tits. There’s a market for that.

Surprise surprise, your current boyfriend did the same exact shit your last boyfriend did. Ya know, if a lab rat can figure it out, you should be able to as well.

Guys, I’m walking down the aisle today. The candy aisle. Mmmmmm i luv twix

Hanging out with tech people is great, tech people are always on their phones! I fit right in! They don’t have to know that I’m not responding to time sensitive emails and am rather updating my blog 🙂

Who takes the time to write a four paragraph scathing review of a toaster on Amazon? Don’t you have anything better to do? Like update your blog.

I don’t want to toot my own horn or anything, but if I had lived in tsarist Russia, I would have written some killer allegories