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#ifeellikeimlosingtouchwiththeyoungergeneration

Hello, awkwardly hot girl, I’m looking forward to getting an awkward blow job from you.

Did you hear that the National Bowling Alley Worker’s Association went on STRIKE again? SPARE me the details, am I right??????

Your family is like your underwear. Really close to you, provides a lot of support, but a lot of shit goes on with it that you don’t share with everyone

Man, I feel so extremely lazy, I’m gonna take a nap. In fact, I’m gonna go to sleep for so long that when I wake up, I’m successful. Oh, that won’t work? It’s called sleeping your way to the top, you idiot

“Hey, babe. Take a walk on the wild side.”

Some girl told me I look like James Dean. And I said, “really? I look like an 82 year old mangled, rotting corpse? You’re not very good at this whole flirting thing are you?”