The Official Website of Dave Charlie

Holy fucking hell, right now I’m on a bus to London headed back from Edinburgh and the first leg of the trip was sweet as a didn’t have a neighbor, but then fuckin Ozzie Osborne comes on and sits next to me, he’s dressed in all black and covered in tattoos, and he puts on his headphones and starts blasting like fucking Megadeth or some shit to the point that is was almost loud enough that I could “hear it” normally. Like if I were to ever put that awful shit on the stereo. He’s going to be deaf in 6 months, but that’s hardly relevant. Anyway, then he starts scarfing down food, bags and bags and bags of chips and candy and cans and cans of soda, it was like the Mary Poppins bag of junk food. And he’s staring at every label like it’s the holy scripture for his religion of gluttony. That was my first tip off that ok, maybe this guy’s got something else going on. Then he starts fucking grunting and breathing heavily out of his nose and making all these weird sounds. So at this point I needed to glance over and get a good look a the guy. He’s pale as a ghost, has giant gauges in his ears, and looks like he has fetal alcohol syndrome. I think his mum went to the pub 98 too many times when she was pregnant with this poor asshole. So, basically I sat next to the fat, retarded, asthmatic, hard of hearing, wannabe Ozzie Osborne on a bus for 6 straight hours and it was less than ideal.