Category Archives: Uncategorized

What did John Bobbitt’s employer give him when they laid him off? A severance package!!!! Wahhhh!!!!!!!

“You should try being a vegetarian.”
“I’m not doing anything that doesn’t involve salami.”

Who wants to join my club? It’s called the Generally Dissatisfied With Everything and Nothing Will Ever Be Enough Club. We meet every Tuesday at the bottom of 7 pint glasses. Let me know if you would like to join in.

Yes, I would love to meet your parents. Right after I shove a scalding hot horseshoe into my eye sockets. Should I bring flowers? I’m thinking orchids.

Yeah, no, I’m fine, I’m just uhh tired, or busy, or stressed out or something.

Thanks for your input, I’ll keep it in mind when I DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. Keep you posted 😉

Look, I don’t know if you’re mentally retarded, maybe mommy had a little too much of her medicine when you were in the uterus, but you don’t fucking microwave fish, you just don’t do it ever. No shellfish either. If it comes from the ocean, it doesn’t go in the fucking microwave.

What did the runaway vehicle say to the world? I need a fucking brake.

I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say that I think Eastern European women and I are going to get along really well.

Headed to the gym. The gym beam.