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Trust me

“Crack” doesn’t fit, I’m out of ideas.

She used to be a prostitute, but she found Jesus. And then she fucked him!!! But then she apologized, so it’s cool now 🙂

I’m finally ready to settle down. I think she’s the one.

I don’t see a prize at the end of the rope. I see a rope. I also see a fucking lame ass guy with his lame, stupid fucking philosophical metaphors. I also see some self esteem issues.

But that’s ok. We all have our shortcomings. Like me personally, I can’t write. Just the other side of the same coin. Coin!! Yep, it’s money!!!! Dance, slave!!

I’m so glad strippers can’t read.

So I was at my buddy’s bachelor party, and one of the strippers said to him, “wow, you’re a really nice guy. I never meet nice guys.” HAHA!!!!! That’s because you’re a stripper. Now I would like you to meet some good friends of mine, they’re super nice, their names are Lincoln, Grant, and Jackson. Now dance.

As I watch my friends get closer and closer to things like marriage and having children, I feel the distance between us growing larger and larger. I think I’m slowing but surely going to drift apart from most of them just due to vastly different lifestyles. I’m talking about quality relationships I’ve had for a decade or more that I’m going to watch dissolve before my eyes. It’s deeply saddening…Whatever, more strippers for me!!! Just kidding, it is very sad. But I do get more strippers. But I’m going to be sad while they rub their silky, toned bodies all over me. Surprise!

I just heard a really disturbing story about a guy who was into necrophilia. Necrophilia!! Seriously??? NECROPHILIA?????!!!! Why can’t you be into golden showers and fisting like a normal person?