Category Archives: Uncategorized

A note to all future women in my life: I would not recommend making me choose between you and watching football. Because you’re not gonna like what happens.

So, I’m watching Thursday Night Football and ummmm pink flags? Wow. I’ve never seen those before. Except in San Francisco of course.

Well, my job was supposed to come with perks, but I have yet to receive any painkillers. I’d be happy with vikes too, but so far, nada.

I have a stalker. Crap. Well, at least I know how I’m gonna die.

Yes, I’m selfish and whimsical, but I do make commitments. And I take my commitments very, very seriously.

So, if one human year equals 7 dog years, then if your dog doesn’t see you for exactly one full day, that’s a week in his time. That’s why he’s so happy to see you!!! Or he’s just a stupid mutt.

I feel fat now.

Man, In-n-Out sounds really good right now. Adios!

I wonder what the Goo Goo Dolls singer is doing right now.

If you ever see me spending money impetuously, don’t be deceived. I am not a wealthy man. At the same time however, I have no wife, no kids, no 401k, and no health insurance. So there’s that.