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Oh, you’re too tired to give me a blow job? Hmmm seems like I’m too tired to pay for dinner. Funny how that works.

Would you like to know what the most effective form of birth control is? Works 100% of the time. It’s called “blow jobs.”

Is this neighborhood safe? Oh, wait, I see some hipsters, never mind.

I sincerely wish I never found out what Spanx were.

If I ever get to the age of 50, please stab me in the face.

Cowabunga, gentlemen. Happy Friday.

I think the catching is starting to drink up with me.

“Girls don’t poop.”
“Why do they have buttholes then?”
“Why do men have nipples?”
“Touché.”

So, you’re saying I should go straight? This obviously isn’t the Castro District!! Am I right??? Wahhhh!!!!!!!!!!

It’s my party. And I’ll cry if I want to.