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“Do you like Phil Collins? I’ve been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins’ presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group’s undisputed masterpiece. It’s an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums.”

“The taste of love is sweet, when hearts like ours meet. I fell for you like a child. Oh, but the fire went wild.”

“I didn’t mean to take up all your sweet time. I’ll give it right back to you, one of these days.”

Aaron Hernandez can come back to football, that’s fine. But I’m still not ok with Michael Vick playing. You can get DUIs and abuse your girlfriend and kill people, but dogs? No no no, don’t fuck with those poor little doggies.

The Chargers imploding in the second half? At least there are some things in my life that are consistent.

Ke$ha was born on March 1st 1987, she is 26 years old. How much would you like to bet that she will die next year at the age of 27? Management has had it planned out since day one. I’m thinking overdose or car crash. Or crushed in an orgy.

Why did Wilbur Wright ask Orville Wright to come to the bar with him? Because he needed a wingman!!! Bam! Let’s get this day started off right.

But doesn’t couples fantasy football defeat the purpose of fantasy football? Couples fantasy football is kind of like mani-pedi poker night. You stupid assholes, this is your chance to get away from each other for a second.

Well, I wanted to play fantasy football with my friends, but they said I couldn’t join the couples league without a partner of some kind. Alter egos don’t count apparently.

I hate the human race with a fiery, fiery passion.