Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ya know how if you drink too much, the bar “cuts you off.” I witnessed a bum get cut off. By a CVS.

Some of the guys at the bachelor party asked me when I’m going to get married. They don’t know me very well.

Why is this street here?

Just to be forewarned, if I go to your wedding or bachelor party or wedding shower or whatever the fuck and spend any money on your shit, gifts, airfare, accommodations, dry cleaning bill whatever, and you ever get a divorce, I’m going to fucking invoice you.

Someone told me this: “Sometimes your writing is really funny, but sometimes it’s really angry and aggressive.” Yep, take it or leave it, motherfucker.

If your generic, boring douche bag husband ever decides he would like to playfully give me a hard time about anything, you will be a widow. Ok, that’s a hyperbole. But there is truth to be derived from hyperbole. I promise 😉

“Don’t ever get the idea I am a poet; you can see me at the racetrack any day half drunk.” – Charles Bukowski

Rest in peace, Mr. Bukowski.

Look, I told you I was a writer, I never told you I wrote things you would like, respect, or understand.

What’s the difference between a stripper and a hooker? How much you’re willing to spend.