Category Archives: Uncategorized

First rule to being a good writer is to shut the fuck up about “being a writer.”

Hey, follow me on Twitter! Not. You can fellate me instead if you’d like, it’s kind of similar.

Human existence is pathetic, online dating is proof.

Oh, what were saying? Sorry, I was texting my ex girlfriend.

I’m looking for a cool “scene.” Everybody is going to determine my worth by what “scene” I’m in. I need to be in a cool one or I won’t have any self-esteem.

I’m not a player, I’m a desperately lonely, shamefully sexual, emotional cripple with intimacy issues. There’s a big difference.

Why do girls I randomly make out with at clubs always ask me if I have a girlfriend? No, if I had a girlfriend I wouldn’t be drunk at a club making out with strangers. I’d be drunk doing some really kinky borderline illegal role playing S&M shit with her.

“The desire to write grows with writing.” – Desiderius Erasmus
Yep, and the desire to loathe you all immensely grows with loathing you all immensely.

“We recovered an onside kick after a touchdown”? Actually, YOU did not do anything. The professional football team that you happen to like recovered an onside kick. Congratufuckinglations.

“After working as an accountant for multiple nonprofit charity organizations, I would never donate money to a nonprofit” -My accountant friend. Thought you should know. I’m just looking to “raise awareness.”