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If you use snippets with your girlfriend when texting, is that bad?

You know those days where you just want to tell everyone to shut the fuck up? That was rhetorical

I have no words.

Look, engineering, I know we were engaged and we almost got married, but it wasn’t working out between us, this is the right thing, trust me, I wish you the best and I hope you find someone really special, but it’s just not going to be me. I’ve found someone else. And I really love writing. And she’s way more fun and awesomer and sluttier and drunker. Best of luck to you.

The cool thing about the type of writing I like to do is, I can literally live anywhere in the world and work any job. The not cool thing is, it makes approximately zero dollars and everyone thinks I’m out of my mind. Well, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. I love lunch so much. Mmmmmmmmmm

I’m definitely drinking more working for a startup than I did in college. Sleeping less. Making more money. Getting laid less. Eating about the same. Living conditions are similar. Self esteem is slightly higher. Despite being slightly fatter. All in all I think it’s going ok.

The intern – “You guys work A LOT, I mean, you’re in your mid-twenties, don’t you have to start a family soon?” No, Amy, actually I don’t have to fucking do anything, but thank you for your input.

Do you want some more mashed potatoes? Do you want some more mashed potatoes? Do you want to watch a movie? Is my blue shirt clean? Do you want some more mashed potatoes?

I want to try this at some point. When someone is telling me a really long, drawn out, stupidly boring, pointless story, I just want to wave my hand in front of their face like Obi Wan Kenobi and say, “And that’s the end of the story.”

I don’t get it.