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“Reach for the sky ’cause tomorrow may never come.” -Social Distortion. You may think they are a lame, untalented band, but that lyric has potency regardless. Does anyone give a shit? No? Story of my life….

Don’t worry, no one’s reading your blog.

You know when you’re a kid and your parents take you to an amusement park and there’s always that one ride you really wanted to go on but there wasn’t enough time and so your parents say something like, “that’ll be the first ride we go on the next time we go, it’ll make you more excited to come back.” That’s Spain for me.

So, I think 27 is the magic age. Guys officially enter the “older guy” realm and can really start to expand their portfolios, and girls’ left hands really start to feel naked. And if you’re a famous musician, you die. I think I should come out ok.

Ice Cube says he’s a “natural born killa.” I didn’t know natural born killaz drank Coors Light. Now I know.

So, you’re telling me that a pizza margarita has no booze in it? What the fuck is that shit?

I like you, like less than a friend.

My tummy hurts.

Well, my iPhone gets AMBER alerts. Good to know.

You’re scaring me. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Who are you?