Category Archives: Uncategorized

Let me guess. You went to a four year university that was paid for by some combination of student loans, possibly a scholarship, and Daddy’s checkbook. You got drunk frequently, possibly did drugs, probably had a decent amount of sex, and enjoyed generous amounts of free time. You studied some semi worthwhile stuff, are glad you have your degree, and are now working a job that has almost nothing to do with what you actually studied? The answer to your first question is yes, I can read minds. The answer to your second question is no, I do not have any friends.

I hate that sound when someone freakin moves a chair on a wood floor really quickly and it makes that awful squeaking noise it drives me freakin crazy!!!!!! This is my life. Holy shit.

Yes, think outside the box. But you can also live outside the box.

Yes, my platonic friend, we can text more when you’re fighting with your boyfriend and less when things are going well, no problem. I’m just gonna follow your lead here.

I’m gonna make a horror film called “How to Raze a Family.”

I heard there is a shortage of people who hear there is a shortage of people working at a certain profession and go flocking over like lemmings. JK! I didn’t hear that.

I’m not cynical, the world’s just fucked up and I’m normal 🙂

You know those girls who are always, ALWAYS calling their boyfriends assholes? You asshole! You’re such an asshole! Why are you such an asshole?? Ok, if he’s such an asshole, why don’t you just leave? And if you stay with him, what does that say about you?

Girls, listen to me. Dolphin sex is not cool, not cool at all. Look, he loves you and does a lot for you and makes a lot of sacrifices, so if he wants to experiment a little in bed, you should let him.

Prop 65, you can shut the fuck up. Yes, everything causes cancer, thank you so very, very much. Do you know what else causes cancer?  Continuously fretting about how you can perpetuate your bleak, meaningless existence. I know!!! Crazy right???