Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m sure there are plenty of people who disagree, but for me, Adam Sandler died after Big Daddy.

Damn, I’m already that awkward single guy who people feel bad for and invite to be the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th, or even 11th wheel. Hmmm, all those numbers have something in common…I guess I’m odd 😉

If a guy quits smoking for his girlfriend, is it safe to say that if they break up, the first thing he’s gonna do is smoke like 3 packs?

It’s not the whiskyy, it’s mee talkinh

I feel like I’m annoying you. Am I annoying you? You’d tell me if I was annoying you, right? Ok, good, because the last thing I’d want to do is annoy you. I think I’m hungry. How many points does he score when he steps on the thing he hits the ball from? If he needs to touch it why doesn’t he just run a little bit and turn around? I’m gonna go pee, be right back.

Damn, I’ve now posted six hundred and seventy one posts to this blog. This is number 672. I would love to snuggle with you right now.

The good part about the trait of never being satisfied is you always do more, try harder, and you can accomplish a lot. The bad part is you’re never satisfied.

So, here on WordPress, every time you “publish” (haha! Right??) a stupid post, they show you a “wildly inspirational” quote. Here’s a real winner:
“To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart.” -Phyllis Theroux
That is the stupidest fucking quote I’ve ever heard. It’s arrogant and involves zero adventure. Why don’t you get off your fat ass, PHYLLIS, and buy a fucking plane ticket? Woooooooo!!! I am feelin funky tonight!!!!

I have had multiple people ask me about the things I write, and they ask, “are you kidding or are you serious?” And the answer is…both.

Dude, if Henry Miller had had a blog, some blog admin guy would have flagged it and called the police and sent cops over to his house. Let’s have an intervention! Just chill the fuck out.