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If I am ever dancing naked for one dollar bills, please shoot me in the face.

The problem with being a stripper is your job skills are only marketable for like 10-15 years.

You may think that stripping is a base, talentless job, but it’s not. Have you seen some of the shit they do on that fucking pole? It’s fucking impressive.

Hi, Miss Stripper, it’s a business doing pleasure with you.

Would you rather have a paper stack or a megaphone?

It’s called urban anthropology. And I’m a fuckin secret agent.

“The day that I die will be the day that I shut my mouth and put down my guitar.”

I’m going to be completely honest with you. Boobs fascinate me.

Omg, I hear it’s really bad for you if you…keep freaking out every time some random, unqualified person tells you some myth they heard about on the Internet. Like, super bad for you…

Sometimes I’m afraid I’m going to end up like Dean Moriarty.