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I’m at a restaurant right now with two couples and I’m straight 5th wheelin it and one of the waitresses has this amazing rack and I have no one to share it with 😦 Sooooooo, I’m going to write this blog post and show it to my buddy later. All my friend’s wives are going to hate me 🙂

This is how I say good morning to my British friends on the 4th of July. I’m not really sure why I still have any friends left.

Ok, the whole “aww, man, I just got back from Europe, I’m still getting over my jetlag” stage is officially over, and I am now fully engrossed in the, “ok, what the fuck am I going to do with my life” stage. I’m not super thrilled.

Randomly, I went back to Toys “R” Us for the first time in like 15 years and I must say, that place is much smaller than it used to be. No, it’s actually smaller, they sold half the store to a Bed Bath and Beyond. It’s exactly half the size.

If you’re in your 20s and already think you’re old and are insecure about your perceived geriatric state. Congratulations, you’re already dead. Enjoy the next 50-60 years of zombie-hood. Try not to bite anyone. Oh, and it’s vampires that are sexy, not zombies, sorry.

Try to use sex as leverage with me once, shame on you. Try to use sex as leverage with me twice, shame on me. If sex ever becomes some sort of favor that you do for me, I just want you to know that we can still be friends.

So, how long before Henry Cavill moves in with Brandon Routh and they get a studio apartment in the valley with bunk beds? Henry called top bunk first! He told me!

What is that scar? Considering you waited from afar.

The one in Santa Monica is more fun.

Hahaha!! Just kidding, go fuck yourselves