Category Archives: Uncategorized

My advice to every single girl. (This is serious). Go out, buy a carton of your favorite ice cream and some chocolate syrup , go to the bookstore and buy “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Then go home, put on some comfy PJs, grab a spoon, and eat the ice cream while you read that book cover to cover. Then read it cover to cover again. Then go to sleep. When you wake up, go live your life however you choose

Fuck You Journalism strikes again. Read about it later, maybe 😉

Nothing is grosser than watching an attractive girl demolish over a thousand calories of fast food at 2:30 in the morning

Basically, my parents play good cop, bad cop with me. But it’s more like, sweetest, nicest, most magnanimous, kind and loving cop in the entire world, and stern but genuinely good cop. I’m such a spoiled fucking brat it’s disgusting

Are big dicks in your ass…
A) bad for your health
B) good for your health
C) innocuous

I was gonna be a writer, but then I realized no one reads books anymore. When was the last time you read a book? Exactly. — Ok, I’m still doing it, just criticizing Generation Y. You know, the usual

Omg, we haven’t talked in forever! Probably because you started blowing me off and not calling me back, but omg! I have no self-esteem! We should hang out soon! Hope all is well!

Some girl called me perspicacious. What a bitch, she’s doesn’t know me. I’m gonna prognosticate all over her face

If I ever get on Oprah Winfrey’s reading list, I will stop writing. Ok, I won’t stop, but I’ll write some fucking porno or something just to alienate her

When am I gonna realize that living a life of running around, getting drunk, and chasing girls isn’t ultimately fulfilling? I’m not sure, but not today. Or this weekend